Off duty

I cant figure God out.

I know we all struggle to understand the invisible hand upstairs but lately its been really hard to, idk, keep up? Granted, this year has been really tough. Grief is loud and so is pain and when youve experienced a great deal of loss, your vision becomes distorted. You lose track of time.

I came to God looking for help. In fact, I was so desperate that I gave up my entire life. I gave up everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING and to the average christian this is a no-brainer but I cant help but feel like my life is, well,

Over

… and to be frank, maybe it is. Maybe I thought I could surrender and still have my stuff. Maybe I thought I could be around old friends and not feel the uncomfortable sting of a new heart and a changed life. Maybe I thought surrender meant

almost

I cant tell what season Im in. The wilderness? pruning? a waiting season? I just know I never thought following him would be this hard or this bleak, or some days, this painful. I know we love throwing glitter on our suffering but suffering is one of the most jarring experiences in life. I now know what Paul meant when he wrote: We are afflicted in every way

But who knows maybe tomorrow or next week or in the distant future I’ll understand the ending of that statement, yes we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed

Some days its a sprint into our fathers arms

others a brisk walk

and then there are those days when we are so shell shock by life we must be carried along and its those days that remind us that understanding God is the least of our worries or fears, our understanding is not why we came or why he called.

our lack of understanding has no bearing on his love for us and the importance of

continue

“Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭1‬:‭31‬ ‭

God is a parapet.

Amen and Amen 🕊️