Forward

For Izora, Grandmother

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved – Acts: 4-12

Once you come to Jesus things begin to change, Its a rapid shift sort of speak. You, a sinner, now have this heightened awareness of your sin and well, thats jarring.

The time when you first got high

That time you cussed someone out because they looked at you wrong

The wild parties, drinking and drugging yourself numb

The way you treated the people God created to love you, and sure maybe those people didnt treat you the way you wanted or even deserved at times but they were there to teach you something

whether it be patience

or time management

or the importance of finishing what you started

or simply how to cook eggs that don’t stick to the pan

Coming to Jesus makes you aware and it’s uncomfortable. No longer running, from what was, the past now becomes something to face, reckon with or in most cases ruminate over.

For 20 years my Grandmother prayed for me. How I know? Because I am still here. I was reckless, I was mean, I was abusive and a liar. I cared more about pleasing those in the street than the one who created me,

Jesus

… and well my family? I just didn’t care at all.

Or, I just didnt know how.

Trauma Veils. Its a blinder that hinders us from seeing the world, those around us but most importantly ourselves.

It was everybody’s fault why I was the way I was. If only my dad did this, or my momma said this or my grandma said it in that way,

just maybe,

maybe I would be better than all my yesterdays but fact is,

I had a choice

I decided my way was best

C.S Lewis says

“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, in the end, “Thy will be done.” All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. Those who knock it is opened.”

and although these words cut deep, a strike aganist the hardest of souls

he’s right.

We all have a choice – we can either continue to live as if there is no God, free of accountability and integrity or submit to the one who created it all and if serious like Jacob, we will wrestle with God long enough in hopes of a blessing.

I gave my life to Jesus, June 2nd 2024. I couldn’t it do no more. IT being sin,

IT being the rebellious me.

what use to feel good

No longer felt good.

I needed something bigger.

I needed something stronger.

I needed,

I needed,

I needed,

The Cross

I needed the one who died on it

I needed,

Jesus, the Nazerne.

As I sit here writing this at 4 am, my stomach is in knots, a belly full of regret and grief

I miss my Grandmother

Dearly…

I wish

I wish

I wish

I had more time.

My Grandmother prayed, prayed, for me. How I know? Well I am still here and she deserved the best me. she deserved to see me get baptized, see me get married, have children,

see me, T H R I V E and she wont see it and that pains me.

My heart hurts.

However I know that God called her home in peace. 103 years on this earth, walking with a good God, I know he took her by the hand and whispered

“Dont worry, I got it from here”

and he would be right, so right.

I am so happy I found God. I cant express that enough.

Yes theres a heightened awarness of all the wrong ive done but through his love and grace, I now get a chance to do some good before he too walks me home.

I feel closer to my grandma than ever before in her passing.

I show up to the Bible every day, like she did.

I pray strongly for those trying to find their way, like she did

I go to church every Sunday and sit in the same pew she once sat in.

I see her.

I see me.

I see me, now

I see her, now.

Jesus wasn’t lying when he said he gave sight to the blind.

To Izora Prentice,

Im sorry.

I didnt get it back then but I get it now.

oh, how I get it now.

I love you always

Thank you and Goodnight.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8

God is the God of second chances

amen and amen

🕊️